Fibromyalgia is a condition that is a frustrating journey, that seems to have little credibility in the medical world. I’ve had my share of dismissive glances from nurses as I put myself into an Emergency room for severe wide spread pain and lethargy that no amount of caffeine or healthy diet can correct.
I had plans tonight, to go and enjoy a public event, have dinner with my husband and wear a new outfit. But instead, I lay in bed exhausted with a stack of tasks on my desk that didn’t get touched today. I know I am not the only one who experiences this frustrating condition that sometimes makes me feel imprisoned within my own body.
Going to the Doctor can cause confusion because a flare-up isn’t constant. It’s inconsistent and leaves no pattern to better understand the discomfort and pain. After countless Doctor visits, I went on an alternative healing journey to find relief.
After years of Chinese herbs, massages, lasers, chiropractors, Shamans and several healing treatments, I was left more exhausted than I started and decided to let it all go. I have cultivated wisdom and knowledge but no relief.
Fibromyalgia only allots you with a certain amount of energy a day. In addition to spending thousands on treatments that bring little to no relief, the brain fog that accompanies this condition can zap the life force out of you and smother creativity.
With my small energy reserve that I have each day, I became greedy with my time and made a decision to only focus on myself. I created a peaceful and aesthetically pleasing environment and only allow very close people to me to visit. I never know how I am going to feel each day, so I give myself activities that I enjoy, like art, music and photography.
I’ve experienced many days where I felt like a failure because all I could do was breathe and watch the sun pass from morning to night, in the comfort of my bed. At first I thought I was dealing with depression and so I did all the therapy stuff to only realize that my tired body was asking me to be very gentle. So I created a personal monastery of silence.
My husband is the most supportive and generous person I know. He is my awareness helper, and he knows if a flare-up is starting. We have a system to turn off big machines that create noise. Fibromyalgia causes my senses to become overly heightened and even the small air conditioning unit that emits a small hum, is like clashing cymbals to my skin. I put in ear plugs and have just learned to quiet my mind.
There is always a positive side to every situation. When I stopped pointing the finger at myself for being ‘broken’ and not immediately finding a solution, I learned to stand at the bridge of life and death — feeling the energetic world through a soul level of awareness.
In many ways Fibromyalgia causes the person in pain to become a Shaman Monk, seeking deeper spiritual truths because the body is unable to move in the mundane autopilot activities. In the past, such activities may have been satisfying, but now are meaningless masks of avoidance.
As an Empath, I always resented my sensitives to the spirit world and being able to feel and pick up on the people, ghosts and unseen worlds around me. I tried to fill my days with logic, facts and linear thought but that mask was ripped off with this condition.
We have to practice self-care to have any chance of a rich and happy life. If you have Fibromyalgia you most likely will becomes sensitive to EMF’s (electric magnetic fields), and the congestion of city life will drain you to no end. I just made the decision to move out to nature, and live isolated from people. The fresh air, green trees, flowing rivers and mountains began to calm many of my symptoms.
There is no more extra energy to please people and make things ok for others. I’ve had to learn to say no and say it sternly, despite my compassionate disposition to sometimes be a push over.
Ultimately, I have learned that there isn’t anything more to do. The best medicine is to learn to just be. The people who truly care to know your mind and soul will not be scared off by your random disappearances from public life. Instead they will gently come and meet you at your bed, chair or the place where you choose to breathe and exist.
Although I have not found the answer to my physical body, I have healed much of my emotional and mental body. It has caused me to look deeply into myself and the world around me. Many times the pain symptoms subside when I am creating art, playing music, taking pictures or learning a new recipe.
It’s ok to rest, make life easier and effortless. It’s ok to be upset and shed tears. The drive to move forward doesn’t go away, it just has to change the form of its path to get you there. Writing has been very therapeutic for me and allowed me to express the stuck feeling this condition can cause — allowing the energy to move in a positive direction.
You are not alone in your struggle, and I feel your pain. You will have to make your life simple and take every complex situation out. That means people, drama and deadlines that drain your life force.
I’m still open to new treatments and hope for breakthroughs in this condition. At the moment I am trying glutathione IV therapy and staying away from glutens and sugars, which seem to be helpful.
Fibromyalgia has taught me to see life through a difference lens. Although I am passionate about my future achievements, waking up today and seeing rain drops falling down my window pane filled my heart with gratitude. It’s about living and taking every minute given to you with an eager and zealous grasp. I hold onto my limited light with every fiber of my being.
In nature I have learned most of my life lessons. I learned to let go of being in a race, because feeling unwell doesn’t ever promise you that you will see a finish line. Instead of harboring rage, I have become a cheerleader to many people who are finding their highest journey and making great strides in their lives.
That is the gift of constant silence and mastering the mind to be peaceful. You can read a person in seconds, and begin to see right through their souls. It’s almost ironic that this chronic fatigue condition has lead the way to healing others and guide them to reach vitality.
If the tears come, let them flow. Release, it will get better. Be gentle with yourself, and cut out all the unnecessary drama. I am grateful to my husband who many times just rubs my legs and back and makes sure I am comfortable. He never gets upset with me when I have to cancel planned activities.
I am grateful to celebrities who are putting Fibromyalgia into the spot light like Lady Gaga, may Goddess bless her soul. We will move through this together, but for now I wish you a goodnight from my cabin in the woods. My cat Lilly is purring on my lap and is helping mom to feel better. Wishing all a blessed and healthy weekend.