This Hebrew phrased touched my heart deeply this morning.
I had been dealing with not feeling well last week.
On Friday night, I had a slight collapse and had to go the hospital and get some IV antibiotics and painkillers for a sinus infection that was wreaking havoc to my system. In those moments I quietly sung Hebrew songs and felt embraced in arms of love.
Completely out of it, and my eyes swollen shut, this morning I felt hungry and was feeling better.
I looked out to my french doors, with my squinty eyes I could see the sun about to rise.
My soul felt such gratitude for having one more day to feel love, to feel hunger in my belly, to feel my muscles stretch out to put my slippers on and make some chicken soup.
Putting on my robe, I slowly shuffled to the door, opened it and stood on my deck.
Life is a delicate dance of borrowed breath from our Creator.
I remember last week being so grateful and feeling exuberant passion for all the studies and travels I would embark on this coming year.
My curiosity for life had opened a path for me and slowly, people have been showing up to teach me their cultures, languages and art.
When I was in the hospital, I had fire in my soul to heal quickly, so I could be available for life and absorb all the wonders and beauties that have been foreign to me, up to now.
Although my face was hurting, I slightly opened my squishy eyes and spread my arms out to a new day, as if to hug the universe.
I think of the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah that is soon approaching. This will be my first year learning and celebrating this new year of light and love.
As I stood alone outside in the dark morning with the sun about to rise and a kitchen ready to make a healing soup.
Tears ran down my swollen face in complete gratitude for the gift of life. To sing the song of life one more day my golden blessing.
Feeling the sun light warming my face, the birds starting to sing their morning song, I thought of God calling Abraham to follow his words in complete faith and trust. Abraham opens his heart to his destiny of light, as God calls him and Abraham says … “Hineni, I am here, I am here, I am here.”
With the sunrise filling the nature landscape with light, I imagine Hashem calling me to live my best life with an open heart and mind.
Arms stretched out, I say to the sky…
“Hineni, I am Elana and I am here!”
As our story unfolds and we learn about ourselves and each other. It can sometimes feel intimidating and daunting to evolve out of our comfort zones. God asks one thing of us, just … show up. Show up, be present and watch it all come together like a cosmic symphony.
Your song can only be sung and heard by the Cosmos, by showing up. Everything else is improvising and co-creating with God, a pure duet.
Hineni, I’m feeling so much better and it’s all going to turn out perfectly.
Happy Rosh Hashanah, may this new year be crowned with light, meaning, adventure and love